Survivor:Erky Edition
by Octillery
Summary: All the women fall in love with Erky somehow. Can a tacky reality show solve their fierce compatition? Note: this is montblancerk I changed my screen name. A repost from another fanfic site that I used before
1. Prologue

Octillery here. I changed my name from montblancerk. I've been doing a lot of singing and professional theater so I've had no time to write in maybe half a year. I'm starting by posting some older work I did when I was with a different site. I'll be going to Austin and Japan in mid to late August so I can't write then. I'm also doing a summer opera and a musical in a week so I'll be busy. For any who weren't around when I was montblancerk I do pure comedy and pure romance/suspense. Nothing in between. This one was one of my most successful comedies a while ago. It is revised and edited. Without any further ado,

Survivor: Erky Edition

It was a warm summer night and Erk lay in his tent. He decided to eavesdrop on Hector and Lyn while they conversed.

"And I slaughtered him with my axe and said 'Better than me, huh?' And I grabbed his spleen and…" Lyn shoved her hand in Hector's face and took a deep whiff of the air.

"Erky." She said mindlessly and drooled. She scanned the area and pinpointed Erk's tent. Erk hid under a blanket as she entered my tent. He had distributed the pillows almost perfectly so it looked like he wasn't there except for one place.

She grinned and removed a bugle from her satchel. She buzzed a simple tune and within seconds all of the women in the camp except for Louise and Vaida assembled near the tent. Lucius was also there. The Erky-loving girls and Lucius cornered me. Serra, their leader hoisted the blanket off.

"Lucius, what are you doing here?" Erk asked, "You're a guy."

Suddenly the clouds parted and a 13-year-old boy was seen typing on a cloud.

"Wait a second, Lucius is a guy?" The godly figure said.

"I am author! I am creator! I am supposed to know these things!" He ranted. The creator known as Octillery ran out the cloud door. With no author the characters suddenly teleported to the fourth dimension. Nobody knew what was going on.

With a flash of light they were back. Replacing the giant creature was a huge ball of pink mass with limbs.

"Hi-ii!" It said in a cute voice. The clouds came back together.

"Help!" Erk screamed, "And buy Kirby Canvas Curse for the DS! Wait, why did I say that? Who's Kirby?"

The randomness stopped and the god figure was back typing. He sighed. Erk tried again.

"Help! Grand Theft Erky!" Erk shouted as the club carried him out of the tent.

"Grand Theft Turkey? So that's where dinner went!" Lowen exclaimed.

The I Love Erky Club or ILEC let Erk down to the ground. He was still hogtied though. Serra approached Erk.

"There's no point resisting us Erky. Except your fate." She said menacingly.

"Never!" He shouted. Serra kneeled down and kissed Erk on the cheek. Erk screamed in pain as the lip-gloss burned through his delicate skin.

"Girls, persuade him…" Serra said. Lucius nudged her. Serra cleared her throat.

"Girls and Lucius, persuade him…" All hell then broke loose.

At the end of the afternoon Erk came back to his tent, clothes tattered with lipstick all over him.

Eliwood shared the tent with him.

"What happened?" Eliwood asked.

"The I Love Erky Club." Erk answered faintly. Eliwood registered what had happened.

"Who's in it?" He questioned.

"All the girls except Louise and Vaida." Erk explained. Eliwood sighed.

"There goes my chances of a girlfriend…" he mumbled. Suddenly it struck Eliwood.

"I have an idea!" Eliwood exclaimed.

"That's a first…" Erk muttered under his breath.

"What if you only had to deal with one girl? We could play Survivor! And you'd be the prize!" Eliwood explained. Erk looked at Eliwood strangely.

"What's Survivor? And isn't giving a person as a prize illegal?" Erk quizzed.

"One, I have no idea! Two, apparently not in Swaziland!" Eliwood shouted.

Erk sighed.

"And where is this Swaziland?" Erk asked.

"I just made that up!" Eliwood explained.

Note: I do not mean to offend anybody in Swaziland. I just picked a random place. I'm sure selling people is illegal there. I don't even know what Swaziland is like (I think it's in Africa). For purposes of the fan fiction only, I am pretending it is a tropical island.

Otherwise, any feedback is appreciated. But please don't flame.


	2. Chapter 1

Sorry for the long gap but I had to finish my opera, do a musical in a week, go to Austin Texas than Japan (which was tons of fun) and now I'm finally back.

Eliwood, Erk, and the Erk-adoring girls and Lucius teleported to Swazi Island, home to jungle, beautiful beaches, and tropical animals and fruits.

"Shouldn't we be focusing on defeating Nergal?" Erk asked. Eliwood sighed.

"Loosen up will yah?" he said. The girls (and Lucius) looked around until they locked eyes on Erk. In curiosity, Erk paced from side to side and eyed the girls (and as usual, AND LUCIUS). Their eyes followed him in perfect synchronization. It was kind of creepy. Eliwood slid in front of the club and tried to catch their attention. No dice. He tried everything, even mind control.

Giving up, he told Erk to tell them the situation.

"Attention members of the I Love Erky Club." There was complete silence, "You are being given a chance to take me all for yourself."

The statement broke the boundary between man and animal. Each member was glaring at each other in angst.

"It will be decided in a stupid process involving challenges. You will be divided into two teams…" "Oo! OO!" Eliwood interrupted. Erk decided to give him a chance.

"The teams can be deepfoot and glisserpants!" he blurted out. Bad decision.

"Okay then. Team Glisserpants can be Priscilla, Florina, Nino, Lyn, Isadora, and Fiora. Team Deepfoot is Serra, Rebecca, Ninian, Karla, Lucius, and Farina. Now go, make a camp or something. And meet me and Eliwood tomorrow here at the cove." he commanded.

It was very awkward. The I Love Erky Club had always believed in brutality in unity. But now things were different. It was no longer all for one, one for all, but now every woman and Lucius for themselves.

Team Glisserpants stopped at a barren patch of dirt in the jungle.

"Perfect." said their leader Priscilla. They settled and built a small camp out of leaves, sticks, and rocks.

"There." Fiora said as she placed the final stone. The group was completely done with their camp.

Meanwhile in a plane…

Samuel stared at the harmless snakes in a cage on a plane. He couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed the cage by the handle and tossed it out the window.

"Hey! Those where my snakes!" a man shouted. Samuel didn't respond.

"At least after words I'll enjoy a pleasant stay in California." he said in relief.

Back in the camp a cage of snakes plopped onto the ground.

"Hey look girls! It's some harmless snakes." said Nino. The girls gathered around and after confirming they were harmless Fiora opened the cage. The snakes slithered out.

"Aww… They're so cute." said Florina. The other girls stared at her. Suddenly, the snakes coughed up some godless killing machi-err… bears as non-colbertians say.

"Rawr!" roared the bears. The girls ran away and managed to escape. When they returned the camp was completely destroyed.

"It's getting dark. We should find a cave to stay in." said Priscilla. The Glisserpantses (does that even make any sense) retreated to a small cave near the destroyed cave. They resigned from exploring for the day.

Earlier that day…

"Atten-hut!" Serra yelled. Deepfoot had also found a cozy spot to camp out.

"You maggots have been selected to compete in this contest." Serra stated.

"We already know that." explained Rebecca. Serra's eyes whipped over to Rebecca.

"Is that backsass sasquatch!" she shouted into Rebecca's face. Rebecca's expression turned to terror. Serra continued on.

"Let me get this straight!"

"Gay!" Lucius exclaimed. The girls glared at him. He scooted back.

"Anyways… Here are my rules. One, you must try as hard as possible to overcome Team Glisserpants. Two, when it comes to the final rounds, you must let me win. "

They others got really angry. Farina stood up.

"Look sister, I don't care what you think, Erk is mine."

"Well I'm the leader of our club so I get first priorities!" Serra replied. Karla got up as well.

"Stop fighting you two!" she said in desperation.

"Is that back-"

"NO! It is not backsass sasquatch!" Ninian responded in annoyance, joining the fight.

"STOP!" Lucius screamed. He took a breather. The women were surprised at his attempt to stop them.

"If anyone here is a sasquatch, it's Rebecca for not trying to fight over Erk!" They all panned over to Rebecca who was tightening her bow. She looked up.

"What?" She said confused. Karla took a deep whiff of the air.

"It's… Funky Fresh! Smells like mutiny!" The group charged at Rebecca. It's time for Benny Hill.

Back at the cove…

"So Eliwood where do we stay?" Erk asked. Eliwood just looked around.

"Um…" Eliwood was clueless. Then out of thin air a cabin appeared on the cove.

"Perfect!" said Eliwood. Erk rolled his eyes.

"Eliwood, the cabin is on an island in the bay." he explained. Eliwood still didn't understand.

"You can't swim, remember?" he tried again.

"That's what you think!" Eliwood yelled heroically and jumped into the water.

20 minutes and one freezing Erk later…

"Thanks for rescuing me from the cold water. And your silk cape makes a wonderful towel." Eliwood said happily. Erk looked at him angrily.

"D-d-don't mention it." said freezing Erk sarcastically. He ran off and fetched some wood to make a raft.

Yet another 20 minutes later…

Erk plopped the wood onto the ground. A faint voice echoed in the distance. Erk looked over.

"EERRK! ERK! I REMEMBERED HOW TO SWIM!" screamed Eliwood from the cabin. Erk cracked. It was going to be a long and painful week.

Any requests for the winner will not determine the winner but I haven't decided the ending (I do have one ending thought up) so suggestions are appreciated.


End file.
